The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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