A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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