We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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