the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
