We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
