i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
