i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
