tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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