i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
