She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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