I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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