I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
