These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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