i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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