This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
