His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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