My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
