So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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