I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
