I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
