the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
