Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
