party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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