Don't you send me to vm
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
