i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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