my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
