Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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