U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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