Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
