Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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