We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
