He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
