my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
