It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
