please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
