we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
