that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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