In the future we'll all be gay
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
