matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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