omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
