Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We are all done wearing pants today
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
