I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
