i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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