is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
