If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
