the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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