I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
