6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
