Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
