i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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