i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
