there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
